The third eye

Age <4 ... whenever I got caught first sneaking up to a prank

Morning
Ma: I just saw that
Me (baffled): but you were not even looking here!!!

Ma: I still did see it
Me: But how did you see it

Ma: I have eyes everywhere

The words proved to be more than wondrous to me.

Fast forward to afternoon.
I have successfully impersonated a person who is sleeping. There are of course, other hidden agendas – one has to unearth truths of the world, one has to find out life and strategise next actions accordingly.

Ma has fallen asleep as well. She is sleeping facing me.

I pull myself up as lightly as I can – experience has told me that Ma sleeps very lightly. I tiptoe to the other side of the bed. I lie down behind Ma.

I look closely, even dare to remove a few strands of hair – nope, no eyes that I can see there.

Damn! Then, where could the extra set of eyes be?!

Academics & Career

I find it a bit distressing when people say I am career oriented. When I was a student, I found it very distressing when people remotely hinted at my being academically oriented - sometimes I purposely failed in papers to prove otherwise.

I don't think I am either of the two, and both have been the least bit of my life's priorities. After finishing grade ten, I had my first major row with my father – because I told him that education was nonsense and I did not want to study anymore. It took almost a week for us to get back to talking terms – mostly because I agreed to go back to school.

It is really a wonder, how much I managed to further my education with that kind of an attitude.

Ditto for career. It has been as checkered as my life. But I find the idea of working as hateful as I found education. No seriously, given a choice, I would not want to work for my living. It is only when one realises that one has to earn one's living that one decides to pick lesser of the evil – a job that maybe she will not mind.

Now with that bent of mind, how long can a person continue?

To you, if you ever read this blog

First remember that, no, you are not welcome to read it.

You know, that at one point in time, I was scared of you. I was. So I agreed to everything you say. You were always this larger-than-my-life-ever-could-be person. And while I am at it, I will also tell you that I found you over bearing. But I was too much in awe of you to realize this.

I still find you a little intimidating. But I tell myself again and again... I am not in a relationship anymore so I don't have to be scared. At times, I purposely say things exactly the opposite of what you are saying. Sometimes I don't mean a word of it, but I do it to make myself feel not dominated.

So that's that.

And one more thing, while I am digging up old issues... the reason why I never told you about my blog was not because I intended to cheat on you. I never told you because I thought you would not like my writing. Sorry, but my blog was not meant to showcase Best Of Writing. Same held true for all the things that I kept away from you. I was just scared. Of what you thought about me. For one and half years.

I still look up to you. But I am not scared anymore.

Today when we spoke, I said what I said at the end just so I could prove that I don't really care anymore.

I am not scared anymore.

Another one to the marriage files

I do realise that there has been a lot of progress on the marriage files... given the sheer number of posts in it... but no, I have not miraculously found anyone to marry.

One reason because I would never jump into something like that. It takes me a lot of time to get used to people. And I am partially commitment phobic.

It is just that there is a huge pressure mounting on this side of the world (the offline, darker part of the world). So I have been debating about various hypothesis and hypothetical situations, trying to get myself to get used to certain harsh realities.

Just called up Ma... she sounded unwell. I asked her what the matter was. She said headache... and I knew where the conversation was headed.

But then, even now, the idea of marriage sends shivers down my spine. I know my current situation is far from ideal, but marriage sounds too scary, just too damn scary... and too unlike me.

I am supposed to work at this moment in time, but just got distracted with the thought and have not been able to concentrate. How does one spend one's entire life with someone who one does not love and possibly is not necessarily loved by them? Even before that, how does one spend one's entire life with someone who they have met only a few months ahead of tying the knot - I take years to call people close friends?

A few of my friends have gotten married or are in long term relationships. Recently a close friend got married – someone I had always looked up as the epitome of the Single, Independent Working Woman – someone who moved into a new city with limited cash balance and survived. She has moved in with her husband's family post marriage. Another person has been dating someone who has continually cheated on her and worse, has continually suspected and accused her of cheating on him. Still, she worships him.

Have I gone wrong somewhere?

Hypothetically speaking

Do you think I could ever date (and successfully so) someone who does not go anywhere near books and possibly falls asleep while watching movies? And maybe does not drink coffee, but is a tea person...



I don’t know what looms over life at large...



Would I want to marry someone who reads my blog? Ideally no. They would know too much about me already. Not an ideal situation.

Pimping & prostitution

Me: My land lady reminds me of a pimp

The Other A: Why? She is letting out other rooms?

Me: Not just that... she makes me come out and say hi to the people who come to see the place and says things like people who stay here don't ever feel like leaving

The Other A: Then atleast be professional and charge for it.



Exactly my point: legalize prostitution.

Thanks for the mutton!

While chomping on my second piece of mutton burra, I declared, "Thank God for he made lamb/ mutton... else half of life's pleasures would not have existed..."

The ten people, who were sharing the table with me, silently and solemnly agreed.